Fear knocked me cold, of what people think of me, what people know or don’t know, what people assume and how they treated/treat me. Why am I so fearful of man, rather than the creator? I don’t need to be afraid how I’m portrayed. Because there’s one person who knows who I am, and will always know.
Struggling to accept my background of mental health I realised I don’t need to carry all the shame, fear, guilt of being different and labelled by medical professions under some strange maybe nearly disfiguring title. But He says “If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.” (2 Corinthians 5:13 NIV). So be whatever I am, I am still human, still made in His image. Let me reflect the truth, let Your Light shine in and through me be it Your will or way. Whether or not I’m unwell and of a strange mind in a different dimension to others I can still be who God created me to be and praise Him through it all.
I was afraid when everything, even my job was taken from me. Afraid of being useless and having nothing to offer. Afraid that God would put his wrath over me and wipe me out. But he showed me by other examples that even if I were elderly, dressed by others and brought to places I don’t even want to go I can still praise and glorify him right to the point of death just as he said to Peter in John 21:17-19. So no matter what I do, where I am or what I think God still stands and is glorified. How great is that? Anyway he also says “So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.” (2 Corinthians 5:16 NIV). Rather we are to focus ahead on him, the crown of life. As he also says “that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:19 NIV. What a wonderful new purpose we have in life, one we can live out by His Holy Spirit.
After years of searching for the scripture that gripped my heart during tough times I’ve finally come across it again. It says “Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” 2 Corinthians 6:4-10 NIV. Let it be an encouragement to you whether you’re walking through storms of life, or sunshine.
All in all, I’ve realised I don’t need to be afraid of others and others also don’t need to be afraid of my perception of them either. Rather my perception and esteem should be founded upon Him and what he’s done for us- a message of reconciliation that will last through all ages, no matter what state my mind is in- may praise for Him be ever on my lips. And through the adventure of life may we remember Him and the goal we race towards – to meet him in eternity.
Amen