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Always Been Him




Moments like these, when I wish I was back to a child.  
The simple days.  
When there were no worries, no ambitions, no failures.  

I want to be free, free to make my own mistakes.  
To step in wrong waters.  
That’s what I have to say to get out of their ways.  
To step back up and walk the right way.  
To be led by you Lord and not the voices around me.

I want to jump, jump into your arms.  
To know your comfort.  
Un-quavering from the troubles of the day.    

You tell me there is no stuff up great enough to separate us.  
You reassure me when all this world tells me are lies of inadequacy.  
Lord, bring me back to the days when I didn’t push judgments up against another.  
When there were no rejections.  

But maybe you’re right Lord, maybe all these bitter feelings are from a place of love, not just hate, hate, hate all the time.  
Maybe there was a gentle “no” said out of love.  
No matter how confronting it was.  

All this rejection, lack of closeness with some of those I love,
the falling of a tear, the pain, the waiting, maybe it was out of a place of love.  
You said love is patient.  I don’t know if I quite understood why it needed to be patient as painful as it is. 
Is there always this pain in love?  

Places I haven’t gotten the chance to venture off to.  
People I haven’t met yet.  
Hope, hope of a better day tomorrow.  

When will the day come Lord?  
When will it come?  
I can’t wait for that day you promised, of the perfect intimacy with you.  
No tears, no gnashing of teeth.  
No more human bodies needing to be dealt with, and their constant urges.  

How unimaginably great it will be.  
Till then Lord, will you help me be a bit more patient each day.  
Will you help me use my every bit of energy for your glory
My every brain pulse to not be wasted on just a chasing of the wind. 

What do I do when I can’t meet all their demands?  
What do I do when I’m torn, from all their voices?  
What would you do Lord?  

I pray for your perfect peace to rise above it all and that your voice, your beautiful voice and your hands to intercede for me Lord.  
Because I can’t do it, only you can.  
It’s all you, it’s always been you, and it always will always be all about you Lord.